What Would Jesus Hate?

Jesus. Granted, 99% of the “injuries” could have been treated with a dollop of “Stop Faking it Like a Little Girl, its Embarrassing” topical ointment (a product not yet available in Portugal, Brazil or Italy), but, not blessed was anyone who had a real injury and was left in the hands of these sideline witch doctors. I swear I saw one of them put leaches on a guy. Armed with advanced techniques like water soaking, hand rubbing and “magic spray” (shockingly and inappropriately applied to an Italian man’s rumpus during the USA match), these medieval medicine men had players longing for the dirt floor operating rooms of Guadalajara, Mexico. As for ye shameless fakers, be thy warned: nothing makes my smoting finger itchier than someone exceeding the “One Barrel Roll of Agony per Injury” rule.