What Would Jesus Hate?

Jesus. I’m so sick and tired of hearing about “Mary sightings” in anything from a sandwich to a broken ass window to a drippy chocolate mess. For ME’s-sake, people, not everything that’s oddly misshapen or has been splattered somewhere is my mom. Hell, anything can look like my mom if you squint hard enough, even a soupy pile of wires. (By the way, I don’t see Roy M. calling up CNN.) How did I find this miracle? Do me a favor, go to Flickr.com and type in ANYTHING in “find a photo of” and see how many pictures you have to go through until you find the general outline of my mom in it (mine was the first photo for “mess” - 2 seconds). Then, call up Headline News, ask to talk to Robin Meade, and tell her that you want your story featured right after she’s done shamelessly flirting with the sports guy.

I once pooped something that looked like Moses. Looking back on it, I think I could have sold it on ebay for $25,000. But back then our ebay was called “the market” and I’m pretty sure I would have gotten arrested by the Romans if I was walking around town square trying to hock poo to stupid people.